I’m not proud of myself when I lose my temper. I’m not proud of myself when I get my knickers in a twist over the most trivial of things. Yet, every once in a blue moon…(well….maybe even more often than that) I become meaner than a junkyard dog for no apparent reason.
My only defense is the knowledge that I am not the only one this happens to. I am human after all….
Still….it is clear that I have much work to do with myself. That’s OK, I reason. It’s part of the journey, right?
I was telling my workout friend Cynthia just this morning of my tiger-in-a-cage kind of day I had last Saturday. I didn’t think I had any hormones left to be having such mood swings I told her. Cynthia pointed out that I still had ovaries thus I still had hormones lurking around my post-menopausal body. Yep…for no apparent reason Saturday was a day that I wanted to scratch someone’s eyes out before my feet even hit the ground early in the morning…
It wasn’t even 7:30 in the morning when my foul mood began to bubble up from out of nowhere….my every other thought was negative and even my four-legged love did not make me smile.
hmmmm. Not good.
Hubby goes out the door by 8 a.m. and is off on his long run….
hmmm….is that what got the ball rolling….?
Ok..Cristina. Get your head on straight…come on!
So, I decided on a gym workout. I drive the 13.8 miles (one direction) to the gym and managed to slog through it with about as much enthusiasm as a tree sloth. Normally I love my gym workouts. What in the world is wrong with me?
I’ve been trying to come to grips with the changes in my life since moving to middle earth. All this talk about the fiscal cliff is virtually meaningless to me at the moment….It’s my physical cliff plunge that I’m more worried about! Since moving here my yoga as fallen off the planet, my gym workouts are radically shorter, and I am not cycling the three times a week that I enjoyed for nearly six years while living in California. I’ve gained weight and lost muscle and I am just short of disgusted with myself.
Maybe it is this gym, I rationalize. It is just not like Spectrum gym back in California. Here, the equipment is old, the commute is far longer than I’d like, and the entire ambiance of the place is….well…stale and extremely blah, for lack of a better description. I just cannot get excited about working out there. In my old gym, I’d hop on the spin bike and ride for an hour while people-watching, listening to my favorite music tracks on the iPod or watching T.V. I’d hit the free weights for another thirty minutes and leave the gym feeling thoroughly satisfied, fit and healthy. There is just something about the configuration of the gym here that just leaves me feeling totally uninspired. Maybe I am not trying hard enough to weather this change. Maybe I am feeling too sorry for myself….
After the gym I met hubby back at home and we decided on breakfast out. Hubby knows that I am in “a mood” and he is trying his best to make me happy, bless his heart!
We try a new place in Huntsville (The Blue Plate Diner). We ordered virtually the same thing except I had bacon with my eggs and hubby had sausage. It didn’t take long after my breakfast that my stomach started to revolt. “Oh lord” I groaned for the better part of a half hour as we tried to get through a few errands; we had too much to do on this Saturday two weeks before Christmas… a stomach in knotted distress was just not acceptable!
I managed to make it through ordering a ham from the Honey Baked Ham store and felt that I was up to one last stop before home. We drive to the Parkway Place Mall to purchase Christmas gifts for Hubby’s secretaries. Heading for the Dillard’s store, we rode the escalator and found our way to the second floor and entered Dillard’s through housewares and Christmas decorations. This is my first time in a Dillard’s store. My eye catches a Nespresso kiosk in a corner and I stop in the middle of the aisle. “Doug look,” I point with glee. “There is a Nespresso kiosk.” For a brief moment I feel I am not in middle earth….I mean, here is a Nespresso kiosk and they are selling Nespresso coffee machines! How wonderful is that?! I have a lovely little Nespresso machine and getting the coffee pods here would be far more convenient than having them shipped. I go up to the associate manning the kiosk and exclaim my delight to have found a Nespresso kiosk. She smiles and nods approvingly. “I have a Citi Nespresso machine and I just love it,” I say. “Do you have coffee pods?” I ask. She replies “No…we only sell the machines.” I am instantly deflated; my glee goes up in a poof. “Oh,” I say. “ None at all? I just moved here from California and I was able to get the coffee pods at the Nespresso Kiosk in Bloomingdales.” “Well,” she said in her sickly sweet southern drawl….”This isn’t California.”
That did it.
I abruptly turned on my heel saying “No shit Sherlock…I know I am not in California!” I stormed out of the store with poor hubby at a loss to explain my meanness.
He catches up to me. “Why on earth did she have to say that?” I thundered….anything but that. “I just want to go home….I just do NOT feel well.”
Trust me folks….I did apologize for my tiger-in-a cage kind of a day and all the colorful language that it entailed. My loving husband made me take it easy once I got home. Recounting the day to Cynthia (and my not-so-nice meltdown) made her laugh. “I know that I shouldn’t have said ‘No shit Sherlock’ and normally that kind of stuff would never leave my mouth….I just don’t know what got into me,” I said. She offered another, more lady-like version of “No shit Sherlock” which made me laugh while doing my bicep curls….
“Ok, so, what made you the Captain of Obvious?”
I’ll try to remember that for next time. Somehow, I know there will be a next time.
Until then, I vow to get my OM on with more regular yogaglo classes…Whew….I feel better already.