Posted on January 16, 2013
I’ve just about had it with all this rain. Its been coming down strong for over a week now. Flood warning alerts dominate my iPhone/iPad. Yesterday when I did have the courage to venture out in the freezing rain for a hair appointment, I was amazed at the number of waterfalls–in Niagara Fall fashion–rushing down the side of the mountain that I have to traverse to get anywhere from my house. Days of warm, steamy rain have now been followed by three days of freezing rain not to mention, of course, no sun….just densely foggy mornings and thoroughly gray, gloomy days. It’s messing with my head and my body; I feel like I am moving through quicksand with all this gray surrounding me. I’ve got more lights on in the house in an effort to put a smile on my face but I suppose I need to nix that practice; the latest gas/electricity bill was well over $300.
Maybe a trip to the gym will help get those mood-lifting endorphins moving? Can I get that song out of my head once I’m on the spin bike?
Yes…I can. See, the other day I was listening to a song on my iPod…one from a fun spinning compilation CD that my good friend Lou sent me months ago. Its got tunes with great beats, perfect for cardio exercise. I happened to be aware, during a zoned-out moment, of the lyrics for a particular song (I can’t even tell you the artist or song title) and for the remainder of my spin session I thought about how I was feeling two weeks into the new year. I cannot say it was altogether hopeful. Perhaps (I reason) I’m just feeling the after-effects of a gluttonous holiday; I am spinning my brains out on this bike in the hopes that I can shed a mere couple of hundred calories…it is an endless battle and some days, it is not enjoyable in the least. That’s a rare feeling for me; I thoroughly enjoy exercise, but I prefer it outdoors, and therein lies the problem…being indoors.
“Right, Left, right-left-right….we’re marching on, we’re marching on….” so the song goes….its still in my head days after my spinning workout.
And indeed, that is how I feel….like I am marching, one foot in front of the other….marching on….
Despite feeling anxious mixed with a twinge of hopelessness due to another four years of the Obama administration and with that, an arrogant, narcissistic, and bullying president…
Despite feeling a nagging melancholy that our country is on a downward path and what that means for my children, my nephew… future generations….
Despite the helplessness I feel with respect to my stubborn, aging parents…
Despite worrying about my children’s health and prosperity…
Then, add to the “pot” the albatross around my neck…(actually, around my knees!).
Just what about these damned knees? Surgery now…surgery later? Which option…where to go…how much is it going to set us back? How much more weight will I gain in the process? All this “what if” and “what about”….It’s making me dizzy if not a bit crazy on this rain-swelled day.
So, despite the many sleepless nights…
… worrying about money, worrying about this looming sequestration and what that means for our defense industry and Doug’s career…will he be employed through all this turmoil? Worrying about the retirement years (closer than ever)… worrying about what the future holds, or doesn’t hold…it’s just one foot in front of the other…
And of course knowing without a shadow of a doubt that all this worrying won’t change anything, except of course to add to todays general malaise…something I vowed to experience less of, especially into this new year.
OK…so…..every day it’s simply one foot in front of the other….marching on, marching on….like millions of other souls out there. My lot isn’t that bad for heaven’s sake; there are others better off than I–that’s life–and, many far worse off that I–another fact of life. “Stop your needless whimpering Missy!” comes the yell inside my head. Just keep marching on like most everyone else does in one fashion or the other. I suppose thinking of it that way brings a sobering comfort; I am definitely not alone!
What bliss is there to be had on this cold and gray morning? My perfectly perky poodle is sleeping at my feet. I think I will interrupt his bliss for selfish purposes…there is a lull in the rain and I am taking us both out for walk!