IMG_2303The sight catches my heart.
I close my eyes.
The tug is fierce, for just a moment.
Quick…
don’t waste it!
A glimpse of intense blue surrounded by gently floating puffs of the whitest white.
For a moment, cotton candy comes to mind.
I put my hands up to the sky to frame it.
Ah….
There it is!
I say to my love,
You see that patch right there?
That’s the Arizona sky.
Then I’m reminded in a flash…
I am not there.
My love folds his hand around mine and says,
Someday.

 
I wrote this a couple of days ago. Rocket-man and I were enjoying an early morning walk with The Poodle. I was missing my Arizona sky and frankly carping about this and that now that I’m back home. Rocket-man listened without a critical bone, understanding that I’m still not quite right after months and months of stress.  And he listened to my repeated boasting of enjoyment over every Carefree morning walk (even when tears were involved) and every evening sunset, wine glass in hand.

But today, it’s another story. Arizona is not on my mind.

This morning is indeed a beautiful one. The sun is shining and it’s going to be another warm, thankfully rain-free, day. It’s crisp-cool outside as I force The Poodle on a four-mile walk at 6:30 in the morning. He was dead to the world on his well-worn bed and would have preferred to stay that way. Instead, I literally had to drag him to the door.

Once out, he was fine. In fact quite happy. But my heart wasn’t in to the steps before me, even with my Mood Booster Spotify™ play list streaming through my ear-buds. I was moping along, foggy-brained, almost at a snail’s pace when I realized what the problem was. I was longing for the ocean.

Hmmm. Where in the world did that come from?

Just days ago I was pining away for a glorious Arizona sunset and the sight of a silly saguaro.  I could almost smell desert sage and creosote as I talked about the Arizona sky.  But today, I want my ocean back. The one I lived two miles from for eight years. I barely missed a day running to the ocean during all those years. I’d tell anyone who would listen that I had to get my ocean fix for the day. Indeed, my favorite part of the day was crossing the gauntlet of sand and reaching the water. Then I’d take off on a run, toes tickled by the cold water for the entire run, blissfully zoning out to the rhythm of the waves and the occasional song of sea gulls. The ocean calms my mind like nothing else.

Sigh.

Rocket-man reminds me that I’ll see my ocean in October when we return to California for a bicycle vacation.  For a moment, I brighten up like a two-year old.  I’m excited to see old friends and ever so thankful that Rocket-man purposefully allowed, just for me, for two extra days so that I can once again put my toes in the ocean, blocks away from where we once lived.  IMG_0408

It doesn’t take long for my head to come around once again to the present.  Arizona….California.  Desert….ocean.  I’m torn.  I feel like an unfaithful lover. Which is it Missy? I say to myself. The ocean or the desert? Pick it and stick!

It’s one of those days….