Why O Why?

It’s been one of those days.  I’ve been asking the rhetorical Why? since my feet hit the floor. Why am I so off-kilter?  Patience that has been long-held in check through mindful breathing and a more concerted effort to live in the moment seems to have momentarily disappeared…gone with the wind.  Poof.   Still in a limbo state, waiting for our house to sell, pent-up impatience has led to a mini-meltdown over the silliest of things.  In fact, I’ve already forgotten: What was the silly thing anyway?  I’m sorry.  I’m only human.  Rocket-man endures through it knowing that it will pass in a flash (and it did….thankfully).   “I just needed my 90-seconds of venting, Italian-Style,” I explain once I regained my breath.  “I’m good now.”

Sigh.  I’m only human.  And as much as I know that there is a world of suffering out there, infinitely more important than my speck-of-sand reality, it is still my reality.  Most of the time I soldier-on in a fairly good frame of mind.  I honestly do find ways to be content and at peace. Still, there are days….did I mention that I’m only human?

Sitting at  Starbucks with a book in hand and coffee too I’m trying to relax after a gym workout and before moving on to the rest of the days’ errands.  A couple of women who looked to be in their late twenties, early thirties are sitting two tables over and they are talking ridiculously loud.  Is it just me….Why are people becoming increasingly devoid of manners?   I try to concentrate on the words on the page before me but their conversation overwhelms the room.

“….And I told him that unless he changed, we’re through.  I’m so done with his shit….” said the woman in couldn’t-possibly-be-shorter shorts.

“It’d be for the best for y’all,” drawled her table mate as she studied her painted nails…each of a different color.

On and on the conversation went.  Supremely personal stuff, folks…all loud enough for the morning Starbucks crowd to hear.

I’m more than bewildered. Why on earth would one want to air their personal laundry– as if over a loud-speaker– in such a public place?  More than that, whatever happened to good manners and politeness?

I was happily ensconced in a comfy leather chair.  Changing to another table or chair would surely draw attention so I reached into my bag for my iPhone ear buds and tuned in to a Spotify playlist.  It helped drown out the diatribe going on to some extent.

And while we are at it….Why am I still here?  Our house has been on the market for over 9 months ! I still cannot wrap my head around it.  I’ve been sitting on packed boxes since last September in giddy anticipation of a move.

“I refuse to unpack,” was my sharp reply to my sis just the other day.  Sis understands.  She knows my patience is wearing painfully thin.  Knowing we would be less than 50 miles apart, we had so many plans for the summer.  We’re now hoping for the new year!  Try as I might to sweep negative thoughts under the carpet, they still get the best of me and today is one of those days. Yes, I’m thankful for many things that middle-earth has to offer including my Girls Night Out friends, weekly punchbag classes at a gem of a tiny gym… and lovely neighbors too.  But life can get amazingly infuriating when my internet download speed is less than 1Mbps and the upload speed barely breaks .03 Mbps!  Incredulous but true.  I cannot even create a simple Shutterfly album (it takes 10 minutes for one photo to load!).    The promise that by 2017 our neighborhood will enter into the 21st century with respect to internet speed seems like an empty campaign promise to me.   I doesn’t help that I cannot find a decent yoga class in this town nor can I enjoy a simple bike ride without being chased by unleashed dogs. In quiet moments, while walking The Poodle in the stifling heat and humidity of the early morning, I long for a return to those easy-breezy southern California days.  Long walks on the beach…toes in the water, the best yoga on the planet…and cycling without terror.  Sigh.

I’m sure too that this election year is also undermining my attempts to feel content and at ease with my world.  Of course, I’m allowing it to happen.  I could keep my head in the sand: change channels ….watch less TV news…tune-out social-media and forget reading newspapers altogether. To some extent I have dialed way back on all of it.  Still…again this morning just a five-minute news clip had me shaking my head: Why can’t Trump keep his mouth shut and stay on topic?!

Why O Why  must Trump spew the stupidest things? Truly he is bombastic and full of hot-air.   He is definitely not presidential and yet he beat out 16 other contenders for the Republican nomination!  Astounding.  He’s egotistical and has no command of the English language.  Heck…..George W. Bush consistently gave better speeches and interviews…what does that say!?    I told my sis weeks ago that I simply cannot vote for Hillary Clinton but how can I possibly vote for a clown? Make no mistake,  I’d sincerely love to see a woman become President.  Just not Hillary Clinton. It’s not because I traditionally vote Republican (I’ve always been open to “the other side”).   It’s not because it would mean a continuation of at least four more years of an Obama administration (actually, worse than Obama).  It’s not even necessarily years of various Clinton scandals that turn my stomach.  It’s how she handled Bengazi and her flippant “What difference does it make?” comment with the final straw being the whole email scandal.  With absolute certainty folks, If Rocket-man would have mishandled classified information (even one email) marked as such from its inception,  he would have been fired, prosecuted and jailed.  It’s clear, the rules…and the laws… don‘t apply to Ms. Clinton.  It makes my blood boil.   Through decades on Bill’s coattails (he is clearly the charismatic half…and more of a centrist too),  she has been secretive, dishonest, and coldly calculating…all for political power and financial gain.  Naturally not unlike most politicians in Washington D.C.   We will probably never know the full extent of damage she has done as Secretary of State with the email scandal…at least not for years.   She is as corrupt and shady as a mafia hood.  But what do I know?  This is just my humble opinion, of course.  But what I do know is this: If Hillary gets elected, which most likely will happen, every morning for the duration of her tenure I will ask: “Has she been officially indicted yet?!”

So….Okay.  I admit to taking my head out of the sand and peeking yesterday and I’m glad I did. A “share” on Facebook had me laughing and nodding in full agreement. It was a blast-from-the-past video clip from the TV comedy series that ran from 1996 -2001: 3rd Rock From The Sun. I loved that show, never missing an episode. I particularly enjoyed the great actors John Lithgow and Jane Curtin. The brief clip below certainly captures how I’m feeling about this election year and the two candidates who are in the running for the highest office in the land. Never in all my voting years have I felt so anguished and….yes… afraid for our country.  It’s either vote for the devil you know or the devil you don’t know.  Two thoroughly terrible candidates and now a third possibility, Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, who doesn’t seem to possess the gravitas for the job either (that is, in my humble opinion.).

Just breathe I say to myself.  This too shall pass.  Nothing…nothing lasts forever.

Enjoy the comedy of John and Jane.  Bliss.



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