Today seemed appropriate to announce that I am being stalked and I’m feeling mighty spooked.

Yes. Stalked.

My personal stalker/assistant

My personal stalker/assistant

And….I know who it is.  Physical description: height: 4.87 inches, width: 2.31 inches, weight: 3.95 ounces and currently dressed in Speck’s orange with a hint of turquoise, covering the Apple logo on it’s back.

I should have known but oblivious…head-in-the-clouds…I’ve been.

I had no idea until five days ago.

So, Here I am pulling out of my garage at 9:45 in the morning when I get a notification on my smart phone (Apple iPhone 5s):

15 minutes to 500 E. Pratt Ave.

Hmm. Well that’s peculiar. Perhaps I am reading this wrong. I whip out my reading glasses.

No mistaking.

15 minutes to 500 E. Pratt Ave.

Mind you. My car isn’t even fully out of the garage.

I hit the brakes. What the ……?

I’ve got goosebumps.

And just how does my phone know I am going to 500 E. Pratt Ave.?!

I have only recently started frequenting this particular location. In fact, It’s been less than six weeks. It’s the Yoga Center of Huntsville. Having ditched a prior instructor because he was a supremely terrible one, I embarked on another search. I’ve been parking my yoga mat at this new place on average of once a week since around mid-September.  At the moment I like a 10:15 Tuesday morning hatha yoga class. However, on this particular morning I’m trying a Thursday class. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision as I normally head to the gym…in the opposite location….no even remotely close to The Yoga Center.

Still half-in, half-out of the garage, I place the car in park. I check my calendar to see if yoga was scheduled. Nope. In fact, a search on “yoga” confirms that it’s nowhere to be found on my calendar for the year.

OK. This is mighty creepy.

I continue pulling out and start on my way. I’m unable to shake this feeling of uneasiness. I want to call Rocket-man but I know he’s locked in meetings all day. So I call my sis.

“I’m being stalked,” I say without preamble. I’m freaked enough that I don’t even offer a few good morning pleasantries.

“What?!?”

I tell her what just happened. “Really sis. Okay…. I’ll grant that “stalked” might not be the appropriate word. Perhaps it’s better to say that my iPhone is clairvoyant! It seems to know my routine. Wouldn’t that make you feel just a wee bit unnerved?”

“You must have scheduled the class with the address on your calendar somewhere,” she said trying to reassure me.

I didn’t. “Believe me, I checked! I mean seriously, I could be leaving my house now to go to any number of places; the grocery store, the cleaners…. Lowe’s…even a play day out with The Poodle. But no…. my phone knew I was going to a yoga class on Pratt Ave. before I even had backed my car completely out of the garage!  I never go to that area of town except for the  yoga class.”  I cannot be the only one who is spooked by this?!

I’m no techie (sadly, I use my devices probably a fraction of what they are designed to do) but as I talk through this whole spookiness with my sister it dawns on me that about two weeks ago I updated my iPhone’s software to the latest and apparently much heralded iOS 10 version. In fact, because our internet connection at home is insanely, abysmally slow, I took myself to Starbucks, ordered a grande non-fat latte and enjoyed their free Wi-Fi to get the deed done. It took all of ten minutes…if that. I still had half a cup of coffee to finish.  At home, this would have taken hours.

After yoga I had sufficiently mellowed.  Once home, I felt compelled to dig a little on the subject of Apple’s recent iOS overhaul.  I read somewhere that Apple users are smarter than Android users.  I’m not fooled for a moment by that assumption;  I don’t expect to understand much during an internet search on iOS stuff given that I’m about as tech savvy as a moon rock.

Hmm....It's been suggested that iPhone users are smarter than Android users.

Hmm….It’s been suggested that iPhone users are smarter than Android users.

It didn’t take long to find this bit of information about the bells and whistles of iOS 10:

Maps is even smarter with new intelligence that proactively delivers directions to where you most likely want to go next, based on your routine or appointments on your calendar. Once a route is planned, Maps can search along the route for gas stations, restaurants, coffee shops and more and provides an estimate of how the stop impacts the length of your trip.

So, apparently with this new release, my iPhone has become much more adept at tracking my every move.  It knows my routines!  It also figures out what I am going to do next and provides information to insure I plan accordingly. I’ve never had a personal assistant but I’m guessing this is sort of like having one.

I’m not sure I like this.  I am also not bolstered by the smokescreen that Apple smart phone users are any smarter than Android users.  What I do know is that my personal assistant….my stalker….creeps me out!

Time for a Snickers bar (or two)….and wine….before the goblins arrive at my door.