Haven’t Got A Clue…..
Posted on October 3, 2017
There is a community of the spirit.
Join in, and feel the delight
Of walking in the noisy street,
And being the noise.
…..close both eyes,
To see with the other eye.
Open your hands,
If you want to be held.
Sit down in this circle.
Quit acting like a wolf, and feel
The shepherd’s love filling you.
Excerpt: A Community Of The Spirit by Rumi
In the quiet of this morning, my second cup of espresso grows cold as I read a page or two out of a collection of poems by the Sufi poet, Rumi. The words above catch my attention. I haven’t even finished the poem in its entirety!
I get it: I need to get out of my current head space which is bogged down with a million and one worries. Perhaps I should cast all expectations out the window… though that would be damned near impossible at this writing.
I look out at the still-dark sky and reflect on what to do next. I don’t have answers…In fact, I haven’t got a clue. What is certain though is this: This time, I am not alone as I walk through hot coals yet again. This time there is a life-line of sorts. Sis and family won’t let moss grow under these tired bones, no siree!
So, yesterday officially marked sixty years on this planet. The day began with an exuberant hug by a nine-year-old carrying a bouquet of flowers and a musical birthday card. Kool & The Gang’s Celebration made me dance a jig across my kitchen floor. The Poodle jumped up in confused delight to the racket of his human love. Perhaps my nephew thought: What silliness! I’m not sure. I do know that a degree of silliness will be the only way to navigate uncharted territory. What could that be? you might ask.
A thirty-five year old son returning home, indigent. A train wreck of seemingly limited possibilities, at this moment at least.
God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, right?
He needs to sit down in the circle; smack dab in the middle of it I say! He needs to give it all up to a higher power. He needs to quiet his mind long enough to truly feel the love (both tough and gentle) of those who want to help him find a better path in this life. He needs to be open to the heavy task of change in front of him.
Alas, my man-child appears not to be ready for any of this. The reality of this cuts deeply. My heart is heavy and weariness overwhelms. It significantly impairs any excitement that I can muster for entering a new decade.
I mustn’t lose hope. I must not quit. Not yet anyway!
I must keep the home fires burning one way or the other.