I whacked my Dammit Doll on the counter so hard yesterday that I thought for sure it’s red-yarn tufted head would burst into a stream of its cotton-ball filling. The Poodle sat still as a statue nearby. I could feel his steely gaze, as if in judgement, as I let the moment of frustration wash over me.
“What’s got your knickers in a knot,” he’d say if only he could.
In a blink my outburst was over though it was followed by quiet tears.
I’m just so over all this man-child-in-my-basement drama. Yet another time I’ve failed miserably to reach inside my son’s head and heart and get both headed in a better, healthier direction.
I’m thinking of his words as he walked out the door. “Well if you want me to leave you should give me money.”
Talk to the hand son: Not going to happen.
I fix myself a cup of coffee and sweeten the moment with a cookie to soothe the ache in my heart. As I take a sip I realize that all the recent drama has clouded my head and heart with negativity and blue moods.
I look at my new kitchen…yes, NEW kitchen…and my spirit instantly brightens.
So, it’s been in the works for exactly a month. Our lives were in understandable chaos with a gutted kitchen and extremely limited means to create reasonably healthy meals. Not to mention the constant presence of workers and The Poodle barking (A LOT!). The inconvenience (and ear-splitting noise) of it all felt like years but in reality, the month has flown and we finally have a fully functional kitchen once again. With the exception of a few odds and ends that need finishing, we are absolutely thrilled with our breath-of-fresh-air new look.
Gratitude seems like a word over-used lately–in particular, without honest conviction– but honestly (and I know, kind readers, you all know it too), it’s a word that should be relevant every hour of the day. Thankfully, I’ve become immensely better at practicing heartfelt gratitude especially when I find myself starting to wallow into a negative spiral of emotions. Often, it’s just a long, deep breath that I need to get myself back to center.
And yes…sometimes it takes a prop….like my Dammit Doll. Judge not until you try it: It really is a terrific stress-buster.
Inexplicably, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. As I sit in my kitchen that has been transformed from darkness to a breath of fresh air, I’m filled with hope and a deep appreciation for every thing. From things large and small, happy and sad, the good, bad and the ugly, I’m grateful for everything that has colored my life so far. Yes, It seems like such a cliché… but I am better for it all.
….Yes, even for the father that beat me and the ex-husband that stifled growth and joy because of fear and insecurity.
Holy Cow: It’s amazing what a white kitchen will do for you!
In this moment, feeling blissful…