I’ve got a new title. It’s one that did not even occur to me until just the other day when it was lovingly pointed out to me by my good friend Miss Cookie.
God I feel… old.
And, inexplicably….just for a moment…. images of the Queen Mum floated before me….and too, the hankering for a tiara. A crown would be too ostentatious after all. Not my cup of tea. So, as I was sitting with my first cup of espresso for the day, watching the sun come up over the mountains in the distant I found myself thinking about Cookie’s email and the implications of being a matriarch.
Hmm….Does this mean I’m the ‘Queen’ of The Family? To be clear, Rocket-man has been referring to me as “his queen” for some years now. “What does my queen desire?” Or, “anything for my queen,” he often says. And for inquiring minds, I’m not demanding as wife-queens go (at least, I don’t think so). I don’t require kneeling in my presence nor being addressed as “Your Majesty.” As long as my coffee and wine supply are kept up….and my gym memberships too…I’m pretty much a happy camper.
To elaborate, Cookie had sent me an email just to check up on me. And, since Mother’s Day is just around the corner she knew that it would be an especially difficult and poignant day for me. Truth is, not a single day has gone by since my mother’s passing that I don’t think about her. Sometimes a moment of sadness envelopes every fiber of my being. Sometimes there is a thought that comes out of the blue and makes me smile. Most of the time though, when thinking about my mother, there is just heaviness, followed by deep sighs. It is going to take time. Cookie gets that. She knows me so well; we’ve known each other a long time.
Now that your mom is gone, it puts you (and her) into a new light, wrote Cookie. You are now the Matriarch. Your reign…your legacy…your authorship going forward. That, all by itself, is empowering.
Wow. Honestly, I chuckled at first but then seriousness took over as I fully digested those words.
I should feel empowered but I’ll admit that it is still taking me a bit of time to let the weight of this new chapter–life without mom– sink in. I’ve spent my life walking on egg shells. It seems surreal now to find that the road before me is paved smooth and there is a real possibility of life without constant drama.
But Cookie is right. I’ve got a chance to bring light into darkness; positivity instead of negativity….integrity where there were some serious lapses….but most of all, I’ve got a chance to spread peace upon the land, as it were. There is renewed hope for what once seemed impossible.
So, I’m going to give it my best shot.
With a certain solemnity, grace and decorum of course.
And now, my imaginary tiara nestled on my graying head of hair, the new reign begins.
To that end, what shall the first order of business be for the new queen in town?
Smile more…laugh more. A lot more.